...I ran to catch up with Tyge. I grabbed his arm. He snatched it away like I was covered with feces, almost knocking me to the ground.
“Tyge, what did I do wrong? You’re mad at me for living my life, but you know what I’ve been through.” I searched for any ounce of sympathy in his eyes. All I could see was his own grave disappointment.
He doesn’t give a damn about what I’ve been through.
“Bullshit Mia! I've been hurt too. I know how it feels. I invested my heart and energy into this. I showed you my truth! What did you think happened at the beach? What does your bracelet say?”
I looked around my wrist at my sterling bangle Tyge bought for me and had specially engraved. “Beautiful: Truth Love and Happiness.”
I spoke those words out loud to him. As I was saying them tears spilled out of my eyes, because I realized how very deeply I had hurt him. He valued those words. He was captivated by the fight I had in me to find truth, love, and happiness. Not the weakness to let circumstances direct my behavior and make me act without any shame.
“Those are the qualities that made you beautiful. Those are the qualities I valued most in you. Without those things you’re no one to me. I don’t respect liars and I don’t sleep with ho’s. I’m done here.”
I had concealed the truth. I had shackled my love, and refused happiness. I lied to a man who said what he meant, and meant what he said. Tyge possessed a certainty that all of my explanations from now until eternity could not defeat.
His words cut through me like razor blades. I was losing emotional blood by the gallon. I was no longer beautiful to him. I was not his truth, love and happiness. To him I was an orchid that all of a sudden turned into a stinkweed.
I was defeated. I was defeated by the thought of losing him. I was defeated by my own bitterness. Buckets of tears poured from my tear ducts.
“Tyge wait! I love you. Please, I love you.”
I followed behind him. I didn’t care who saw me. I didn’t care who recorded this horrific scene on their smartphone. I wasn’t about to let sweet agony destroy me.
“Tyge wait!” I screamed.
It seemed like he was miles away from me. I walked faster. I reached out for him, my purse dangling at my wrist.
“Please, oh Lord. Tyge please wait.”
Lord help me.
“Tyge, wait one fucking minute,” I screamed, all while crying harder and harder. Barely able to breathe.
Tyge entered his car and started his engine. I rested my hands on his driver’s window. Breathing hysterically, like I was sipping on air through a straw.
“Tyge, I’m sorry. I lied. I need you. Please stay with me. Let’s continue to work on this relationship. Please give me – give us that much.”
He looked at me with no emotion. No caring.
“Are you done?” He paused waiting for my response, but I stood there speechless.
I watched him drive off. I tried to breathe slow, deep breaths.
In and out. In and out.
His rejection pierced my heart.
He’s trying to destroy me. My heart is dying. A slow death from lack of oxygen.
“Breathe Mia, breathe.”
I cried out for help. “Lord Jesus, in the name of Christ please help me.”
I cried so hard my cheeks ached. My throat swale up. It felt like I was trying to swallow large grapes whole without chewing. I coughed up mucus and spat on the ground.
My blood started to boil. My skin became scorching hot. Anger consumed every inch of my being. I tugged at my sweat-soaked blouse. I looked around at by-passers and greeted them with a demonic laugh.
This is what my own decisions have done to me.
I shook my head and refused to submit to defeat. I cried out loud to anyone listening, “Fuck men, Fuck all of you! I don’t need you. I don’t need any of you. I’m my own woman. I have my own money, my own house, and my own business. I can do everything you can do. I don’t need you. Fuck love!”
All clichés from every country, R & B and rap song screamed about a bitter, selfish and unwilling desire to heal. I had let hatred consume all of the energy within my spirit, denying truth, love and happiness the right to exist in my life, to blossom into the beautiful thing love can be...
